Phobia

A most horrifying thing happened just not more than half hour ago.... Let me tell you everything in full details:

I was using the com like any other time of the day when suddenly from the corner of my eye i saw a black thing flying towards me.. The me being fearful of insects naturally flung my hands in front of me and nearly threw the mouse away before running to safety. At first i thought it was just an insect and when i didn't see it anymore i went back to the com table... My com table has this lower layer for the cpu and other com paraphernalia which i usually use as a leg rest so when i was seated i placed my leg there when i suddenly felt something which did not belong there! And it was moving! Once again i jumped to safety and from afar, i saw that the black thing was really just an insect, but not a normal insect like a beetle or a moth or maybe even a flying ant but a cockroach!!! All of a sudden i started trembling... My hand grabbed whatever newspaper i could find and i continued standing from afar watching it's every movement while thinking of ways and means to kill it... My sister managed to scald a cockroach to death once and i thought of doing the same but because it's near the com i couldn't expect to wet the area.....

What's worse is not the fact that i saw a cockroach or that it's at night but that i'm the only one awake at that time, which also means i'm the only one who knows there is a cockroach in the house...Usually when i see a cockroach or any insect i'll tell my sister or maybe my parents and my sister will then carry out the "heroic" act of killing it, only if it is a cockroach(cos she herself is afraid of cockroaches), while i stand at the side watching the whole execution process unfolding before me...

Anyway, back to the cockroach, the com, and me. I was still standing at the side observing it.. By the way, there's no insecticide in my house if not it'll be dead within a few seconds and i'll also be half dead(excessive sniffing of insecticide...).. By then, I was perspiring.. The calm and collected me who was ready for bed turned all of a sudden into a trembling blob of jelly. I stood poised with the newspaper held in front of me like a sword and i could see my hand trembling... I saw the cockroach crawling; from the bottom, up to the keyboard and it walked all over the keypad(which i'm typing on now..Ugh...). My handphone was on the table just above the keyboard and i think the vibration from the message i just received must have frightened it. Fearful that the cockroach would walk all over my handphone like it did to the keyboard, i made my first move to conquering my fear.. I managed to save my handphone from the cockroach! (After which i ran back to my safe spot a distance away...)

I have held back my urge to scream from the time i saw it as others are sleeping.. I didn't realise how close the scream was to coming out until the cockroach started flying! I let out a short sharp scream before managing to hold it back again. I heaved a sigh of relieve when no one seemed to be disturbed by my scream and my eyes continued to follow the cockroach.. It started crawling, and crawling, and crawling, and crawling.... When i saw the direction it was heading towards, i lost some of the fear temporarily and made my first move towards eliminating it... I threw one of the newspapers in my hands towards it and it stopped at the entrance of my room. I was thinking "It couldn't be dead. Not that easily. Afterall it is one who has seen dinosaurs.." As expected, i was right.. When i tried to crush it using the newspapers in my hands, it ran away. Into the room!! My sister's and my room!! My sister has lots of bags lying on the floor such that i lost sight of it so i decided to take a break when i heard my parents' bedroom door opening and out came my father. Anyway the scream that i thought was unheard by everyone but myself turned out to be otherwise.. My father, knowing me as well as he does, asks if there's an insect or a cockroach. When he heard that it was a cockroach and it has gone into my room where my sister is sleeping, he asked me to ignore it since it's going to find my sister...He then went back to sleep.... My mother then came out. Obviously she heard the scream too even with the door closed... She went to the kitchen to do some stuff while i switched on my bedroom light, trying to see where the cockroach had gone. The cockroach came out of it's hiding place when the lights came on and i saw it crawling again... this time towards my sister's bed... I made my move once again and picked up the papers on the floor and started throwing at it, hoping to lure it away from my sleeping sister because i know that's what my sis'll do if our roles were reversed. On the other hand, if my sister were me, i don't think the cockroach will even leave to crawl into our room... Anyway, i succeeded and the cockroach crawled back to the pile of my sister's bags on the floor. By this time, my mother's out of the kitchen and -yay!-she decided to help me catch that cockroach. she's a lot braver than me and she disturbed the bags until the cockroach came out and after hitting it with the newspapers a few times, attempted to sweep it into a plastic bag while all this while i was standing behind her, newspaper at the ready in case the cockroach escapes..... After what seemed like hours, the cockroach was finally in the plastic bag and i heaved a HUGE sigh of relief.... Whew... All thanks to my mother, i'm able to sleep well tonight.. I guess she knows that i won't relax if the cockroach is not dead or captured and so will not be able to sleep so she decided to be a mother like every other mother even though i'm too old to be afraid of cockroaches anymore.. Yay! I'd like to say a great big thank you to her!!

Anyway, some things that i learnt or am glad of from this experience:
1. My sister sleeps like a log. The bedroom door is open but she wasn't awoken by my scream when my parents sleeping in a closed room heard me.
2. The cockroach wasn't very active. It didn't fly much and i'm thankful for that else i think the whole neighbourhood will be awoken by my screams.
3. A cockroach scalded with hot water is very disgusting because you'll have to clear it later and you'll see all the wet and droopy feelers and legs which will stick to everything... Ugh... I had the misfortune to throw it away when my sister killed it and i was terrified. of a dead cockroach.
4. I have a phobia for insects, especially those that can fly. It's a real phobia and not just a fear, like people who say they are afraid of heights are just that. afraid. People with real phobia of heights will not even be able to reach such a high place in the first place.. I was trembling, perspiring, my heart rate increased and i did not dare to go even within one metre of it...(my house is very confined so 1m is considered a lot)

Once again, a very big thank you to my mother and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It's 30 June already!

Ugh.. better go wash my hands now...